Please, Hug Me Through This

I was really looking forward to someone special coming over today.  I had planned to have a nice lunch, & see her off to her destination with a happy heart. However, she arrived a little earlier than expected, and I was rather impatient.  Because of my anxiety she felt I was being negative & offensive. Then, everything exploded into some kind of irrational yelling fiasco.  Usually, when I disagree with this person, we can equally share the blame.  Yet, today it was me, all me.  It was illogically and inexcusably my fault.

Me:  “I don’t know why I go from one extreme to the other. I know I don’t want to hurt anymore. I know that I don’t want to hurt others. Cutting them off & retreating is the only way I know. I can’t explain it. I don’t have any excuses. Being alone is the only way I know to cope. I lack any other self-preservation skills. I love you, but I don’t know how to show it most of the time. The feelings I have are so strong, but I can’t seem to get the actions down. I haven’t the slightest clue how other than to mimic what I think it should be, & I am sorry.”

I have asked myself over and over again throughout my life why I alienate people.  Today, just as I was writing this, I had an epiphany.  The reason why I can’t people . . .   the reason why I cannot relationship . . .  & the reason I withdraw. . .  It’s so very simple.  I never learned how to interact. I lack the skills.

The adults in my life that were supposed to teach me, love me, encourage me, and explain things to me seldom, if ever, put in the effort.  Rather than talk to me and try to clarify, put words to feelings, or try to explain how to deal with them, all I got was, “shut up.” When I couldn’t stop being me I was hit, screamed at, grounded to my room (sometimes for a month at a time), locked in a closet, or just let alone all night, depending on which family I was living amongst. It’s so much easier to withdraw & stay inside. That’s probably why I love turtles so much. The shell is a very safe place.

I would like to challenge each and every human being out there to treat children with compassion, love, & patience.  When they are having a mental breakdown I challenge you to not put them in time out. Instead, sit with them and hold them. Let them know that feelings are so big, and that you don’t know how to deal with them, either.  Tell them that you will hug them through it, if they want you to. If they’d rather be left alone, let them know when they are done being alone that you are there, & you’re available for hugs when they are ready.

I don’t care what religion you are, Jesus had it spot on when he said, “Suffer the little children, and let them come unto me.” My interpretation of that is accepting them, wrapping them in your arms, and listening to them before you react.  You are the adult.  The child’s brain isn’t even developed, and they’re unequipped unless you teach them.

Peace, Love, Joy!
Blessed Be.